We’re Not Australia/New Zealand, So We’ll Keep Our Guns, Thanks Anyway USA Today

Oh, my goodness! A Tuareg tribesman in Douentza, Mali, shot and killed three innocent members of the rival Songhai tribe as they were walking to the well to get some water. We should probably just overturn the Second Amendment here in America and surrender our guns. You know, to be on the safe side.

That makes about as much sense as USA Today’s argument that we should all turn in our guns because of the mosque shooting in Christchurch, New Zealand. A bad person did a bad thing with a gun somewhere, so all of you good people who haven’t done anything bad should surrender your rights.

We’ve said this before and it’s worth repeating: How about no?

The situation in New Zealand has gone from bad to worse, by the way. It’s disgusting to even talk about, but we need to tell you about this because the American media is imposing a total blackout on the story (other than using the original shooting to hammer us with arguments for gun control).

The New Zealand gun ban backfired spectacularly. As of this writing, only 37 Kiwis have willingly turned in their guns. Only 1,199,963 to go!

Since the people aren’t complying, cops have started going door-to-door in New Zealand and confiscating firearms. They’re going to homes and businesses and taking guns away from law-abiding citizens.

New Zealand doesn’t have a gun registry, so they don’t know exactly who owns all of the firearms… so they’re trying to go everywhere. One guy who didn’t want to give up his firearms got into a standoff with police. He’s dead now. One casualty of New Zealand gun confiscation so far, and we’ll keep you posted as the situation continues to deteriorate there.

We have our own share of idiots to worry about right here in America, in the meantime. The USA Today editorial board decided it would do a big push for gun control in the wake of the New Zealand debacle. We’ll get to their poll catastrophe in a second, but first, here’s how their big editorial argument started:

“The United States, Australia and New Zealand share a historical heritage of frontier adventurism – the kind that bred a familiarity with firearms as tools for putting food on the table, or later as a sporting pastime.”

No. No, no, no. A thousand times: No.

That opening sentence has about 17 different layers of stupid to unpack, but we’ll just focus on the first layer of stupid – that America is just like Australia and New Zealand (and therefore we should give up our guns like they have).

Australia is under British rule. New Zealand is semi-independent, but also sort-of under British rule to this day. It’s complicated and depends on which Kiwi you ask. America is not under British rule, largely because of those “tools for putting food on the table.”

Here, we’ll explain it so that even our Aussie and Kiwi friends can understand, with apologies to our American readers for the Australian slang:

We Americans are not dole bludgers who will surrender our God-given rights just because some drongo in a necktie thinks it’s dardy. So rack off, mate!

We’re Americans. While we respect the rights of our Australian and New Zealand friends – who have been staunch allies of America for more than a century – we also recognize that they live in different, separate countries.

Different countries, different rules. You want to give up your guns? Have fun with that. We want our families and our nation to be safe. We’ll keep ours.

After attempting to lower everyone’s IQ with their editorial, USA Today posed a poll to its readers: “What do you think of our view on gun laws?” The results were spectacular!

More than 12,500 said they Disagree or Strongly Disagree with USA Today, and less than 1,100 said they Agree or Strongly Agree. Sure, it’s not a scientific poll, but a 90% failure rate is pretty awesome to see.

It’s nice that Americans still care enough to put the smackdown on USA Today like that. The editorial board is probably sitting around thinking that Russian bots voted in their poll. You can’t have our guns, USA Today. Stop asking.